Roll up, roll up! Matt Hancock is lastly right here, and he’s trying good.
Wonderfully smooth-skinned, whiter enamel than his pandemic days and boyishly bouncy as he sings Ed Sheeran songs, gropes blindly in a darkish tunnel full of grubs and bugs and tells anybody who’ll pay attention that politicians are people too.
He grins, he gurns, he by chance sprays Seann Walsh’s face with spittle – and he appears to be like a teeny bit nervous when his campmates ask him why on earth he’s right here. But principally he laughs, a bit too loudly.
Which is good to see, as a result of over the past week – whereas he was readying himself for life within the jungle in a £2million luxurious villa full with emu feather lamp shades – not everybody has been very variety in regards to the MP for West Suffolk.
In the mire: The ex-health secretary after getting six stars in final evening’s Beastly Burrow quest
Amongst different issues, he’s been known as ‘a total prat’ (by a member of his constituency), ‘a total halfwit’ (by a pal of his ex-wife), a Han-cockroach (by a newspaper) and different issues we are able to’t print right here.
Even the deputy chairman of his native Tory Association declared he was trying ahead to seeing Hancock ‘eat a kangaroo’s penis’.
Wally! Winner Toff’s withering verdict
Georgia Toffolo, the 2017 winner of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here, has informed how she is ‘really embarrassed’ as a staunch Conservative supporter to see Matt Hancock participate within the present.
The TV star, proper, made her outspoken feedback on Jungle Confidential, The Mail+ podcast. She additionally labelled the previous well being secretary, who was suspended from the parliamentary occasion for becoming a member of the present, a ‘wally’.
Miss Toffolo, 28, informed host Katie Hind: ‘I can’t bear it. I really feel fairly strongly about it usually because I’ve all the time been such a staunch supporter of the Conservative Party as a complete, actually.
‘I hate that he hasn’t resigned. I hate that there hasn’t been a by-election and it makes me actually embarrassed to be an advocate not simply of politics but of the Conservative Party.’
She mentioned his claims that he was happening the present to ‘engage’ with voters and lift consciousness for his dyslexia marketing campaign had been ‘a load of rubbish’.
When Miss Toffolo, identified as Toff, was within the jungle she struck up an unlikely friendship with Boris Johnson’s father Stanley.
Good factor he’s safely within the jungle now, insulated from all that nastiness and prepared for folks to see the ‘real’ Matt, warts and all; the ‘person behind the podium’ who guarantees he’ll do his finest at firewood assortment, cooking and as a morale booster for remainder of the camp. Hang on a minute. Morale booster – Matt Hancock?
Sadly, issues don’t kick off fairly as he’d hoped, as a result of when he lastly enters the primary camp, it’s feels extra like he’s delivering electrical shock remedy than a good communal pep up.
Sue Cleaver and Chris Moyles are rendered speechless. Charlene is gobsmacked. And Boy George is in floods of tears as he remembers his mum being ailing in hospital throughout the pandemic and never being allowed to go to her, considering she was going to die. But Seann Walsh is completely happy. He can’t cease laughing.
Maybe as a result of snogging your Strictly Come Dancing companion should immediately appear small fry in comparison with unlawfully returning hundreds of pensioners from hospitals to care houses throughout the pandemic. And the general public made their emotions clear after the MP – who had already taken half in a single Bushtucker Trial involving cockroaches and slime – was voted in for one other one final evening. Hancock screamed as the cockroaches, mealworms and goo rained down on him as he crawled by way of the tunnel community within the pitch black.
Even the manufacturing employees are working a sweepstake, the Sun reported, on who the politician will conflict with first, when he’ll cry and what number of trials he shall be pressured to finish by indignant viewers.
But whereas it’s mildly diverting watching Boy George sing about poo, Chris Moyles fake to be a gangster and Owen nibbling on a possum tail, he’s the rationale we’re watching. And questioning, what on earth was he considering – was it simply in regards to the money?
Even with his £84,144 MP wage you’ll be able to see why it’d turn out to be useful – what with three kids and two households to help now, his career up in smoke and a e-book popping out that has not been hotly tipped to be the Christmas bestseller.
Mr Hancock throughout the Beastly Burrows Bush Tucker Trial on Wednesday night
Crawling: He tries to barter the burrow… but is hit by a waterfall of slime
Perhaps he’s been taking life suggestions from Lembit Opik. You keep in mind Lembit – the celebrity-hungry former MP for Montgomeryshire who met Sian Lloyd within the jungle and went out with one of many Cheeky Girls. Anyway, in accordance with Lembit, a stint within the jungle might go away Matt set for life. But as what – a laughing stock? Though it’s onerous to see how that may even work. Because the difficulty, after all, is that Matt Hancock isn’t very humorous.
He’s a love cheat who broke his personal Covid guidelines when everybody else was struggling, dished out PPE contracts to his mates as in the event that they had been spare Cup Final tickets and deserted his constituents for the second time in two months to seem on a actuality TV present, throughout an financial disaster.
So, sadly, whereas there’s little doubt we’ll all get some warped pleasure from watching him chomp by way of an aardvark’s anus, or a turtle’s testicle, or a wallaby’s willy, or no matter it’s at present, tomorrow and, inevitably, on daily going ahead till he’s lastly voted out, it’s nonetheless onerous to really snort.
Even when he’s singing Ed Sheeran songs and telling us how human he’s.
Having a chuckle: Presenters Ant and Dec snort at Hancock