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‘Bigger Than The Whole Sky’: The Miscarriage Message In The Taylor Swift Song

Taylor Swift followers have been abuzz with pleasure following the discharge of the singer’s tenth studio album “Midnights.” Although the album was launched (fittingly) at 12 a.m. The singer dropped seven bonus tracks on Friday morning at 3 a.m., making a deluxe 20-song model.

As is the case with all new music from Swift, every track has resonated with totally different listeners in numerous methods. One poignant bonus observe has struck a chord with a sure group of individuals ― those that have skilled being pregnant loss. “Bigger Than the Whole Sky” is a heart-wrenching track about grieving somebody gone too quickly.

While Swift hasn’t shared whether or not the observe is a few breakup, dying or one thing else, the lyrics spoke deeply to those that’ve had a miscarriage. Countless listeners shared their experiences with loss and reactions to the track on Twitter.

“When I listened to the song for the first time, I cried more than I’ve cried in a long time. It pushed at a pain I had forgotten I still carried with me,” Rebecca Reid, a U.Okay.-based author who had a miscarriage in 2019, informed HuffPost.

“It stopped me in my tracks ― I stopped and literally said out loud, this is about a miscarriage,” she added. “The lyrics about never getting to know someone, about the shortness of the time and the enormity of the impact, about how you’ll always wonder what could have been.”

Indeed, many listeners have pointed to specific lyrics that talk to the expertise of being pregnant loss, notably within the refrain:

“Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye / You were bigger than the whole sky /You were more than just a short time / And I’ve got a lot to pine about / I’ve got a lot to live without / I’m never gonna meet / What could’ve been, would’ve been / What should’ve been you / What could’ve been, would’ve been you.”

“I can see how people interpret lyrics as pregnancy loss,” mentioned Dr. Jessica Gold, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis. “The chorus especially seems to imply a lost opportunity to know someone and a lot of grief and loss surrounding it, as well as questioning why it happened. These are common feelings and thought processes after pregnancy loss.”

Other lyrics within the track recommend an try to make sense of a mindless and random loss.

“Did some bird flap its wings ovеr in Asia? / Did some force take you bеcause I didn’t pray?”

“I think that song kind of touches on the otherworldliness of the loss of a pregnancy,” mentioned Danna Bodenheimer, a licensed scientific social employee and founding father of the Walnut Psychotherapy Therapy Center in Philadelphia. “What she does is what a lot of people do with trauma ― try to make meaning of it. ‘What if I had done one thing differently ― could everything have been different?’ There are all these life-long questions many women and their partners who’ve experienced this kind of loss live with, and she puts it out there to music in a way that captures the simplicity and complexity all at once.”

Swift’s music typically displays her life experiences, although she’s additionally written many songs about her family members’ journeys or strangers’ tales. In the case of “Bigger Than the Whole Sky,” some have speculated it is likely to be impressed by her longtime buddy Claire Winter Kislinger’s pregnancy loss earlier this year.

Whether or not that’s the case, the lyrics are ambiguous sufficient to permit many followers to listen to their very own struggles and really feel much less alone.

“The beauty of music is no matter the intended message of the artist, we all pull from our own stories to fill songs with meaning,” mentioned Ben Behnen, a psychotherapist in Stillwater, Minnesota. “For me, the overall theme of loss, and particularly unexpected loss or a loss that was too soon, is what I heard and felt.”

Brit Barkholtz, one other Minnesota-based scientific therapist specializing in trauma, believes the observe presents a common message about grief.

“I see the song as permission to grieve out loud,” she mentioned. “While grief can be a private thing as a matter of preference, often grief is a private thing because shame and fear and guilt and all sorts of other things convince us we need to hide that grief or soften its edges to be more palatable. And I see this song as putting it out there with all its complexity and messiness and saying, ‘it’s OK to feel this way and to be open about it.’”

What To Know if ‘Bigger Than The Whole Sky’ Resonates With Your Pregnancy Loss Experience

It’s arduous to overstate the importance of such a well-liked artist releasing a track that resonates with the being pregnant loss neighborhood.

“We don’t talk about these experiences enough and how common they are,” Gold defined. “Having a song that resonates with people, the large amounts of people, who have experienced pregnancy loss helps them feel less alone, especially in their emotional reactions and thought processes. There is value in normalizing the experience and breaking the silence about it because far too often these experiences can feel like they are not supposed to be shared or something to keep silent.”

She emphasised the significance of individuals understanding that miscarriages occur, that they aren’t alone, and they’re allowed to grieve the loss, even when it occurred early of their being pregnant.

“Pregnancy loss is so lonely,” Reid mentioned. “This song is like a hand coming out from the ether and holding you, telling you they’ve been there too. I’ve always said that whatever you’re going through, Taylor has a song for you. The only time that wasn’t true was when I lost my baby in 2019. And now there is.”

“There is an expression that people who’ve miscarried are in the worst club with the best members,” she added. “And now that club has an anthem.”

Those in mourning typically really feel a profound craving for reference to others, even individuals they don’t know.

“There may not be answers to what you’re going through, but often what we need more than answers is comfort and hope,” Behnen mentioned. “And sometimes hearing a song on the radio or in your playlist that speaks dearly to you is the exact comfort and hope you need.”

Beyond discovering consolation in music, there are different useful methods to deal with being pregnant loss. Gold inspired individuals on this scenario to speak about it.

“It is OK to feel anything you are feeling, on whatever timeline you feel it,” she mentioned. “There is no right way to grieve or to experience loss. Try not to judge yourself for what you feel or how you are feeling; just allow yourself to be.”

Although a miscarriage can really feel isolating, resist the urge to undergo the motions all by your self.

“If you have friends or family that you trust and feel safe with, bring them in on how you are feeling,” Behnen suggested. “Set up an appointment with a therapist. Join a support group. When we’re hurting, we need people around us to hear us and hold us. Your feelings matter.”

He advisable tuning out those that attempt to let you know the way to really feel or question what you’re experiencing. Give your self loads of space and time to course of troublesome feelings.

“Sometimes grief can become unbearable, and in that case, it’s OK and good for you to allow yourself to distract from it,” Behnen defined. “But eventually, it’s also good to gently come back to these feelings and listen to them.”

Although grieving a miscarriage can really feel totally different from mourning different forms of losses, it’s nonetheless a mirrored image of the deep love and hopes an expectant father or mother felt for the kid they by no means met.

“Letting yourself feel the pain of loss is also honoring the great love that you have had,” Behnen mentioned. “It is a way of pulling the broken pieces of your heart back together again. The cracks will always be there, a reminder that you have loved greatly.”

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